This Is Done To A Loved One

1. Body laid out on embalming table with drain for blood.
2. Clothes stripped, naked body spritzed with strong disinfectant, then scrubbed with germicidal soap.
3. Wads of Phenol soaked cotton pushed into anus and vagina. Dry cotton (or threaded plastic plugs) are also jammed inside. Likewise, dry cotton is stuffed deep into both ears. 
4. Face shaved. (male & female)
5. Body massaged to counteract Rigor Mortis. 
6. “Setting the Features”
   1. Head placed on rubber block.
   2. Elbows, shoulders, and hands positioned into their final pose. 
7. Breasts joined together with Duct tape. 
8. Plastic eyecaps placed over the eyes. Eyelids held closed with Superglue.
9. A staple gun shoots needles connected to barb-tipped wires (think piano wire) into the top and bottom of the mouth. The wires are pulled tight and tied off to secure the jaw closed. Caulk putty filled into the mouth and cheeks until it oozes out. More Superglue is used to keep the lips together.
10. Artery Injection:
    1. Cuts made into the neck to access Carotid Artery and Jugular Vein.
    2. Large metal needle stuck into the Carotid for entry.
    3. Another large metal needle stuck into the Jugular for draining.
    4. Embalming Machine turned on: a Half-Gallon of “Formalin” (a cocktail of formaldehyde, methanol, phenol & pink dye) slowly pumped into the body as the blood drains out the Jugular, down the slop sink, and into the city sewer system. 
11. Body vigorously massaged to encourage blood flow and push out clots.
12. After 20 minutes, embalming machine turned off, all tubes disconnected, arteries and veins tucked, all wounds and cuts stitched shut, and more caulk sealing putty and Superglue used to guarantee no leakage. 
13. Cavity Injection:
    1. Trocar, a 2 foot long metal needle that runs into a sharp arrowlike point, is connected via tubing to basically a Shop-Vac.
    2. Just above the bellybutton, the Trocar is driven into the stomach. Stomach is vacuumed out.
    3. Another thrust of the Trocar pierces another organ: the heart, lungs, colon, intestines, liver, bladder. Each one is driven into by the Trocar and then Shop-Vac’d out.
    4. Everything (blood, gas, poop, urine, half-digested cheeseburger & fries, and bacteria) is sucked out (and eventually also goes down the drain into the city sewer system).
    5. The Trocar is now connected to an undiluted concoction of Formalin (formaldehyde, phenol, methanol) and gallons of Formalin are pumped into the body’s organs and abdominal cavities.
    6. The Trocar is shoved over and over into the body to fill the entire insides with this highly toxic chemical cocktail. The embalmer’s eyes water and nose burns.
    7. NOTE: If brain matter started leaking from the nose (a common occurrence) a Baby Trocar is shoved up the nose and the brain tissue Shop-Vac’d out also. And then it is re-shoved up through the nose and the same toxic cocktail pumped into what used to be the person’s brain.
14. All wounds are stitched shut, with caulk sealing putty and Superglue once again utilized to ensure closure everywhere.
15. Embalming complete.

The body is now ready to be cleaned, massaged, hair shampooed, makeup applied to face & hands, and finally dressed. With more Superglue used and watertight plastic pants pulled on snug to fight mold. 

Glossary

• Phenol – an aromatic organic compound that is volatile, mildly acidic, and requires careful handling because it can cause chemical burns.
• Rigor Mortis – stiffening of the joints and muscles of a body a few hours after death, usually lasting from one to four days.
• Carotid Artery – a major blood vessel in the neck that supplies blood to the brain, neck & face.
• Jugular Vein – drains blood from the brain, neck & face and returns it back to the heart.
• Formalin – “embalming fluid” – a mixture of formaldehyde, phenol, methanol & pink dye.
• Formaldehyde – the main component of formalin – is a colorless, flammable, strong-smelling chemical used as a preservative.
• Methanol – the simplest alcohol, it is a light, volatile, colorless, flammable liquid.
• Shop-Vac – a high powered vacuum often used commercially and capable of wet & dry suction.

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